Psalm 56:3 "What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee."

Fear. An ugly 4 letter word that encompasses a lot of all that we do.

I have had a lot of fear in my heart lately and have not been trusting in the Lord as I should. I keep trying to find my own ways of fixing things without even considering where God is and what He would have me do.

This week my Bible study chapter is titled "Fearless Beauty" and on Friday an email devotional I get was about fear. I'm thankful for the way that God surrounds us with the resources we need at every stage of life exactly when we need them.

At the end of the Bible study chapter she mentions Jeremiah 17:7-8
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD
And whose trust is the LORD.
"For he will be like a tree planted by the water,
That extends its roots by a stream
And will not fear when the heat comes;
But its leaves will be green,
And it will not be anxious in a year of drought
Nor cease to yield fruit.

This passage is my memory verse for the first half of this month (The LPM Blog). The thing that I struggle most with being afraid of is the 'year of drought'. Finances seem to always be an issue in our house. I am always anxious about the possibility of the drought. According to this verse when I am anxious about that I cannot yield fruit.

Finances are not the only thing I worry about. I have also been afraid of some physical issues that have been going on lately. My previous memory verse included the phrase "who heals all your diseases"(Psalm 103:3). I chose that verse specifically to remind me to put my trust in the Lord and bless Him at all times no matter the circumstance. Only God can "pardon all our iniquities" and "heal all our diseases". "Bless the Lord, O my soul!"

Those are two of the most specific things I fear, but I also have the daily anxiety that needs to be turned over to the Lord as we are reminded about in Matthew 6:34.

Pray with me about relying on God - ALL THE TIME!! I encourage any who read this to find scripture to bring to mind when the fears of your life overcome your mind.

We can yield more fruit and be effective for the Lord when we trust Him completely.

This last week I was wondering why our Bible study chapter wasn't affecting me so much. It was called Mind Control, so you would have thought that I would have gleaned something from it. But, unfortunately, it seemed like there was a 'road closed' sign between God and my heart.

I was bothered by this, but didn't take the time to sit and pray and read the Bible to see what I needed to get rid of in my life to get past the road block.

On Monday night while we discussed the chapter I felt like my heart was not in it. I didn't know exactly why, but the obvious reason was there was something sinful in my life separating me from God.

On Tuesday I was talking to a friend on the phone and we started talking about something that we have both been going through. The longer we talked about it the harder the Lord hit me over the head with the knowledge of exactly what I had been doing. I was being controlling and planning to manipulate.

That evening I put my daughter to bed and sat down with my Bible and prayed and read and cried for about 30 minutes. Thank God for His amazing forgiveness that is always available. I prayed with David:

"Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me."(Psalm 51:1-3 NASB)

I continued to pray through Psalm 51 and was hit really hard when I read v. 8.
"Make me to hear joy and gladness,
Let the bones which You have broken rejoice."
What I was struggling with was in direct connection to a diagnosis I received in September. I needed to have joy and gladness and rejoice in the way God made me and what He was doing in my life through the way that I am seemingly 'broken'. That is the exact term that I have used many times to describe myself.

I continued to pray that God would
"Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
And sustain me with a willing spirit.
Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners will be converted to You." (v. 10-13)

2 weeks ago in Bible study the chapter was about having a willing spirit. I need to be willing to let God do whatever He knows is best for me. Another very powerful word in Scripture - let. 3 little letters that are so very hard to say. Especially for someone who likes to have control over every situation.

So pray with me as I continue to work on 'letting' God work in my life and giving Him complete control.

I must also say that I am very thankful for the forgiving spirit that God has graciously given my husband. He very sweetly listened, forgave and prayed with me.

Praise the Lord!!

My husband showed me yesterday morning some goals that he wrote out for 2009. The format that he has followed is one suggested by Dan Miller. In Sunday school he challenged all of us to do the same. So, yesterday I sat down and wrote out the following goals. All are attainable, realistic goals.


Spiritual
5 year: Be more like Christ; Overcome "Approval Addiction"; Have more Scripture memorized; Be more humble; Have read entire Bible 5 times; Share the gospel
1 year: Read Bible chronologically; LPM Scripture memory plan - 24 passages this year; Pray fervently; Have all Christ-centered relationships; Continue weekly Bible Study; Look for the opportunities around me to share the gospel with others and take advantage of them

Family
5 year: Be closer to John than ever before and for our relationship to be centered around Christ; Me at home with children; At least 2 more children; Clutter-free; Emma to love God and know Him; Have begun homeschooling Emma
1 year: Respect John unconditionally; Go on dates more frequently; Be pregnant; Emma potty trained; Organize house; Have regular 'devotions' with Emma before bed

Personal Development
5 year: Grow in Christ; Take better care of home; Be stay at home mom; Be more involved in community; Start a book (novella); Healthy weight range
1 year: Have personal devo's every day; Review books regularly; De-clutter bedroom; Read at least 6 'spiritual' books; Be open to God's will around me - serve others, help needy

Social
5 year: Christ-centered relationships; Not be jealous of others relationships; Keep in touch with far away friends; Don't get too close; Pray regularly with friends; More involved in community
1 year: Continue weekly Bible study; Take initiative to contact friends and pray with friends; Establish boundaries; Pray and eyes open for community; Grow satisfaction in Christ through prayer and bible study

Financial
5 year: Debt free; Me at home; John with only 1 job; Stability; Retirement/College savings plans in place and growing
1 year: Budget and stick to it; Start Emma's savings; Have a month in savings; Pay off 2 accounts

Physical
5 year: Be a healthy weight; Hormones under control (PCOS and Endo); Have a couple of children; Be fit - healthy heart/lungs/etc.;
1 year: Make exercise routine consistent; Eat more fresh fruit/veggies; Prepare for pregnancy; New glasses/prescription; Dentist catch up

Career
5 year: Stay at home mom who has begun homeschooling her children
1 year: Organize office; Set up in new building (haha); Catch up job evaluations; Figure out and do things to save the company money


I hope that this can be a good place for you to start in making and reaching some goals in the future and not just making resolutions. If you have some that you would like to share, I would love to see them!

As you may have read in my post from Dec 2 I was very discouraged at the beginning of the month. We didn't have as much money for presents as we usually do and we didn't get to travel to see my family in PA, but it was such a special time for our family.

As many of us often talk about doing, this year we decided to focus on helping others. And this year we acted on the decision instead of just talking about it.

Shortly after I wrote that post I found a website that was doing a 12 days of December giveaway and they were introducing you to a different person from their ministry every day. On the 7th day at the end of the entry for that day the suggestion was made to find a family to share the '12 Days of Christmas' - they had done it the year before for a man whose wife divorced him and left him with 5 children.

So, the wheels started turning and I had 2 families in mind. I contacted our pastor to see if this was something I could contact the congregation about and he very enthusiastically said YES!!

For the 12 days leading up to Christmas the focus in our family was on making Christmas special for these 2 families who had/have emotional needs beyond our comprehension. I don't mean this in a self-centered way at all, but it was such a blessing to be able to be used by God to minister to those who were/are hurting. There were many things done including Christmas decorations, meals, and gifts.

I believe it was through the same website - possibly just linked through that website - that my husband and I chose to do a different way of giving gifts within our family this year. We only bought 3 gifts for each other and 3 gifts for our daughter. The gift of gold represents something that the person really wants; the gift of frankincense represents something spiritual; and the gift of myrrh represents something you can wear. This took away so much stress of not knowing what to buy and not spending a lot. We had a great time and have enjoyed sharing this with many friends and family members.

This Christmas meant more to me than any of the 27 I have celebrated before. It was the most Christ-focused and others-centered holiday season I have ever experienced. Praise the Lord!!!

The only regret I have is that I don't think I took enough time to listen to Christmas music. . .

Through an email devotional today I was prompted to read Psalm 139 this afternoon. The author of the devotional only focused on verse 8, but I would like to focus on many of the verses in this wonderful Psalm that can only point you heavenward.

David is writing this Psalm about just how much God knows us. A comforting thought when we are right with God; a terrifying thought when we are trying to hide from Him.

There are so many times that we think we can hide from God. "Surely God would never go there" we think. However, if we have truly invited Christ in as our Savior we are the one taking Him there. When we think about it, we are taking God there because He knows our thoughts. Have you ever heard someone say, "Oh, I never thought about that"? Whatever that was, your thought planted in their mind takes them there.

God knows all of our thoughts. Verse 2 says "You understand my thought from afar."

Not only does God know our thoughts, but he knows our actions. Not only does he know about them, but he 'scrutinizes' them. He searches us out and is not only familiar with us, but He is intimately acquainted with all of our ways. Wow! Me?!?! Why? Because God sent His only Son to Calvary for me. (John 3:16-17)

David acknowledges in verse 6 that this knowledge is too much for him - with our human minds we cannot fully understand this.

Verses 7-10 :
"Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me."

God is there. Right where you are. Right now. Does that encourage you or does that scare you out of your mind? Be encouraged. God is there.